Not Enough Minutes in a Day and My 1 Year Old's Nap is Too Short

Hi my name is D-dawg and I have 5 children. What?!?! When did this happen!!

I am a little overwhelmed.

Luckily Dave was home most of last week so we kinda eased into it. Today was my first whole day alone with the kids. CC is sick with a pretty bad head cold and Lexi was home sick with an ear infection. Between caring for them, getting Logan off to school, feeding, burping and changing AJ, feeding and cleaning CC five different times and trying to give Macey some attention, I pretty much had 0 minutes of down time. All I want to do is sit on the couch and hold my baby. His newborn-ness will be gone quickly, I just know it. He is so sweet and yummy and warm. When he is laying on me I don't even need a blanket.

Even though this is hard, exhausting work I feel lucky that I get to do it. Im relieved that AJ is with us now too. We made the choice to take these two babies and I'm glad we did. I know it's the right thing for us.

Dave always reminds me to take things one day at a time when I feel overwhelmed. Thinking like that helps me to stop worrying about everything I have to get done in the next week or two and just focus on what I need to do, or can do in that very moment.

I just wish my house could clean itself!

Good night!

Past Blast

A few months ago my sister-in-law Emily's sister, Brooke, and I realized that we both lived in Dorm 6 at Ricks college in 1996. The same dorm building but we couldn't quite remember each other. Yesterday she sent me a picture of our dorm that I had not seen before.

Brooke (henceforth referred to as my sister-in-law because that is shorter then typing sister-in-law's sister) is standing kind of in the back, on the right holding up a blank piece of paper. Really, she told me, it's not blank. It has her roommate's name written on it (because she was on study abroad and Brooke did not want her to feel left out-- lol- how nice is she?).

Anyway, seeing all of these girls again in this picture was fun. I don't remember many names but I recognize them and I remembered some things about them. We had a lot of fun. I would love a Dorm 6 '96 reunion someday.

I think it is crazy that my "sister in law" and I were there at the same time and could have been friends! Little did we know that 13 years later we would be related! The world is small.

Can you find me in the picture??? (click to enlarge)

Hint: there is a stuffed animal near my head. Not my stuffed animal. Not sure why the stuffed animal is in the picture but it must have been an important part of someones life.

p.s. do you know anyone in this picture? Are you in this picture?

Thanks Brooke for the fun! If we could go back I know we'd be BFF!

Thanksgiving Love

Today I'm thankful for so many things... But most especially baby AJ
sleeping on my chest. I love him!

My New Baby

Have you ever had a newborn baby delivered to your front door?  I have.  On Monday little AJ(secret blog name) came to us.  He needed a place to go and how could we say no?  Me?  Say no to a newborn?  This is what I've been waiting for!  He is CC's little brother and today he is 10 days old.

Our family is so excited that we don't even know what to do.  We just sit around and hold him.  The kids take turns.  And they take long turns which has surprised me.  They love him already.  He is so tiny and so sweet.  6 lbs. 3 oz or so.  He's having some peely skin but today we gave him a bath and he is much more moisturized now.

Everyone likes to sit around and watch him.

CC is kinda having a hard time.  She was almost off the bottle but is now going to be allowed to have it back.  When she sees AJ drinking one every three hours she can't handle it.  Luckily she's happy with just a water bottle.

She also thinks when I'm sitting down to feed him it is time to be a little sneaky and try to climb everywhere and get into things.  At least she's not crying on the floor with jealousy like yesterday.  (She is so drama.  I love it.)

Today she was much better and is starting to accept her new role as big sis.

Although I have to admit her exuberance worries me just a little sometimes.  I hope AJ can survive.

Luckily last night Grandma and Grandpa came over and she got some attention... it distracted her for a minute from trying to poke her baby brother's eye out.

Two babies ages 14 months and 10 days might kill me eventually.  But for now it is going ok and I am so excited.  I love these little kids, and my kids, and our family.  We are having so much fun with this whole foster care experience.  Now I must get to bed while AJ is sleeping.  

Twin Zits

Last week Lexi and I had twin zits on our chins.  At first I felt like crying because I am waaaay too old to be getting zits and she is waaaay too young.  But then I decided to just embrace it, laugh at it, and take a picture.  We think they were long lost sisters.  I sort of felt better afterward. Sort of.

p.s. my sad face is lame.  Hers is cute.

New Moon Synopsis. No Spoilers.

New Moon was soooooooooooooo good.  And soooooooooo fun.   I am a definitely a fan of going with all of the diehards at midnight!  I like how they scream and get all into it.  When Jacob took his shirt off the first time the crowd went wild.  I loved it.

In the books Edward is my #1 choice.  I was not expecting to like Jacob at all in the movie but I loved him.  He was great.  Much more comfortable to watch then tormented Edward and stuttering Bella.  But I am still, and always will be, team Edward (even though I think he needs to get an appointment with Jacob's personal trainer).  Jessica and Mike are funny.  Alice is my fav.  Staying up till 3 AM hurt my body.  I woke up at 7 with puff eyes and a neck ache.  But it was worth it!

What did you think?

Infertility, Foster care, Adoption: Words I Never Imagined Would Be Part Of My Life

I want to share some of my thoughts about foster care and adoption and how my life is going in the direction I know it is supposed to be going.

We've struggled with infertility now for 3.5 looong years. It has been a difficult road. One of the hardest parts has been struggling to decide about adoption. It took both Dave and I awhile to get our minds even thinking in that direction. For so long it was all about trying for our own baby and trying to find out what is wrong with my body that makes me lose my babies. We spent a lot of money and a lot of time in that frame of mind. I had to "know" for sure that I had done all that I could.

We would occasionally bring up the subject of adoption but one of us was never quite there. Sometimes it was Dave who would have concerns, sometimes it was me who would feel scared. The main issue was money and debt, but there were other fears too. We prayed about it a lot and we did everything we would normally do, as far as religion goes, to get an answer from God about what is best for our family. That answer just kept eluding us. Finally in January or February of this year we had an experience that opened our hearts up completely and we both finally (at the same time) felt right about adoption. We pretty much started working on the paperwork the next day. We flew through the process and were signed up ready to get picked with lds services the next month. We were excited and we felt peace.

Shortly after that our foster license came through and CC came to our home. It was the hardest thing we have ever done in our married life together and the hardest thing I have ever done in my whole life! But it was so rewarding and I felt the spirit in my life and in our home more. This little baby needed a lot of love and we were able to give her that and see her blossom.

We missed her when she left.

A short time later through a series of events we were in contact with another adoption agency. Our profile was shown a few times but in order for us to go forward and potentially be picked by a birth mom we needed to submit a scrapbook of our family and some serious cash. This was hard for Dave and I to feel peace about. We knew we wanted to adopt but the cash was a huge wall. Things are tight right now for a lot of people including us. We went back and forth, we prayed, we pondered and we finally decided that our answer was to just go for it. To take a leap of faith and see what came of it. We figured the money would work out eventually. But to tell you the truth, both of us were really scared about it. We didn't feel completely right but we were kinda stuck so decided to do it... knowing of course that we would never regret it.

So I worked on our family scrapbook and we figured out a plan to raise the cash. About a month later we had it ready to go. I got all of our paperwork and pictures into an envelope and was planning the very next day to go and get a cashier's check to mail with the package. Late that afternoon we got a call from the county that CC was being removed from her mom and needed a home to go to again.

I said yes and I even told them we'd take her baby brother that was due to be born the next month if they needed us to. I called Dave and he was really excited. We both felt really good about it even though we knew it was going to be a lot of work again!

She is here now and I have felt huge amounts of peace and confidence that we did the right thing. We can't go forward with the adoption agency since we have CC now (and maybe her little brother in awhile), but I have not once regretted it, and I feel a lot of relief. I know without a doubt that CC was the answer to our prayers.

When she left the first time we waited and waited for a call from the county that another baby needed our home. That call just would not come! I was frustrated. Now I know that Heavenly Father kept our home open because he knew CC was going to need it again. I love her so much. She is part of our family and everyday I am thankful as she gets more and more comfortable and more and more trusting. She is blossoming again and it is a miracle to see it everyday.

I don't know what will come of this. I don't know if this means we will be her family forever. I do know that nothing is a coincidence and that God is in the details of our lives. Have I said this before? It feels like I have because I am always thinking it. Everyday I see the hand of God in our family's life and in the life of this sweet little baby. He loves each of us. He knows our needs, He knows our hearts and our heart-aches. He prepares a way for His will to be accomplished.

The best thing that has happened to me in the last 3.5 years is I have learned to trust Him completely with my life. "When God closes a door, He always opens a window" (Froline Maria, Sound of Music).

There have been a lot of windows opened in my life since the door of having a baby was closed. I can say today that I am at peace with whatever turn my life will take. If I never "bear" another baby it will be painful but I know I will be strengthened and carried through it. If CC has to leave us, it will be painful (again) but I will know it is the will of God and I know I'll be carried through that too. It is out of my hands. I know He has a plan for CC's life and for my life. If I am blessed to adopt her (which we are hoping for) and maybe her baby brother too, I will be thrilled and will know that this was why the window of foster care was opened in my life.

I'm thankful for answered prayers and unexpected twists and turns in the journey of my life.

Bottom line: "Come what may and love it."

I can finally say "Thy will be done" and really, truly mean it... and it feels great!

On My Mirror and On My Mind...

"This is our one and only chance at mortal life—here and now. The longer we live, the greater is our realization that it is brief. Opportunities come, and then they are gone. I believe that among the greatest lessons we are to learn in this short sojourn upon the earth are lessons that help us distinguish between what is important and what is not."
Thomas S. Monson

No Thank You

My children love to try and redecorate my house for me. This morning
I found this Babysitter Club Book perched on a stand on the table in
my entry way! No thank you! definitely not my style! But funny anyway.

A Few Things

1.  My brother's new ice cream business is going great.  He told me that a few of my blog readers have stopped by and took a picture with him and bought some ice cream!  If you did, send me the pics! If you haven't gone yet.... go... asap.... you will not regret it.  Send pictures to theharlowfamily at gmail dot com

2.  I am raising my photography session prices a bit- as of January 1, 2010.  If you've already booked with me, then you'll get the old price.  This is just a heads up so no one is surprised.  Thank you to those who have helped me spread the word on this new little business of mine!  If I've taken you're photos and you were happy with them I would LOVE for you to write me up a little note of recommendation that I can put on my site.  I'm loving photography so much right now and I'm so excited about all of the sessions I've gotten to do in the last few months!  You might need to go here and see the last session that I posted.  I'm not done with it yet but I am loving it.

3.  Who is going to see New Moon this weekend???  Who's going on Thursday at Midnight?  I am and I'm so excited!!  I almost can't wait that much longer.  I'm such a teeny bopper.

Macey Makes Me Happy

A few reasons why I love Macey so much:

She used her special money to buy herself fake nails.  They were huge and rediculous but she loved them passionately for the 10 minutes that she kept them on.

When the big kids are at school and I'm doing my stuff she entertains herself forever.  She goes off into her room or a little corner somewhere and talks to herself and lives in her imagination.  I love it.  Then she'll change her clothes one million times and ask me to take pictures of her.  Then she poses like so:

She is always prepared.  Whenever we go anywhere she packs a bag for herself.  We were heading down the road on our trip to disneyland and she yelled, "stop the car! I forgot something!"  We stopped and she ran inside to get her crown that she had planned to wear for the princesses.  She came running out of the house like this:

She's always laughing.... except for when she's crying.  She wears her heart on her sleeve.

She is organized.  I told the kids to go lay out 3 outfits, panties, and jammies for our trip.  Macey's pile looked like this.  (please note she only wears pull ups at night- bedwetting is in our family genes). 

She is always happy.

She takes a lot of self portraits on my camera.

She takes pictures of strangers.  This woman was not her first victim.  I should do a post on all of the pictures of strangers I have from Macey.

She plays around in her room at night before she falls asleep.  The other night I walked in to find her like this:

She was obviously playing "baby."

Macey is so adorable in every way.  She is always cracking us up.  She is funny and so emotional too.  She is passionate, intense and sweet.

A few examples:

On the drive home from Disneyland we were playing a game called "true or false."  Whenever it was her turn she was say something like, "on this vacation I almost cried last night- true or falst?"  It was true.  The next example would be, "on this vacation, this night, I cried three times- true or false?"  True again.  The next one would be in a yelling, scolding voice, "True or False- Logan is being so mean to Daddy right now!! TRUE!"  She is defensive of anyone who is getting teased.

A few other comments from Macey recently:

"Mom, ever since CC got here I'm starting to feel like a servant."

(Crying)"I have a headache because I can't stop thinking about all of the bad things that have happened to me." (drama)

"Sometimes Disneyland is too Disney--- ish."

Disneyland Love

Dave had a business trip to Southern CA so we decided to go with him and spend a day at Disneyland- the happiest place on earth.  I truly believe it is pretty happy there... except when you are there alone with 4 young children.  Then you sometimes yell a lot and it might not seem as happy.  But I was only alone for part of the second day so the rest of the time was great!

Below you will find a lot of photos, in no particular order, and some commentary.

We met the new princess, Tiana.  The kids are all excited over her.  She had a parade going in frontier land like 5 times a day that we saw and it was FUN.  Too bad her doll is sold out everywhere- we were going to get it for CC's souvenir.

This picture is only included because I love CC's chubby hand on Dave's hat.  I want to smooch it.  Look at it!

Macey and CC get along really great most of the time... until CC has had enough with being touched, teased and tickled and she lashes out and rips huge amounts of Macey's hair out.  Macey still loves her a lot though.

CC was so incredibly good and happy on our trip.  We've decided she thrives on chaos.  The trip included no schedule and no predictability and she was fine.  It's when we're at home, the kids are gone, and it's quiet that she has a hard time.  Interesting don't you think?  It makes me want to go on vaca constantly.

I look so happy here on Dumbo even though I felt like I might barf at any moment.

When downloading the pictures of our trip, this one made me LOL times a thousand.  Macey just randomly took a picture of this woman when we were sitting on a bench.  The woman was so surprised and shocked!

AWWWW.

CC's favorite ride was Pirate's of the Caribbean.  She fell asleep two times on it and I got to lug her 30 pound body out of the boat and down the street to the stroller.  I loved that ride too because of the cuddling I was getting.

Logan convinced Lexi (who is scared of roller coasters) to go on Thunder Mountain with him.  She went because it is her cousins Savanah's favorite ride.  She liked it and they ended up going to together 3 more times.  YAY!

Buzz lightyear- definitely a fam fav.  All can participate.

Running full speed into the park.

Macey got picked out of the crowd to press the button that opens Disneyland.  She was obviously thrilled.  It was her lucky day.

Cinderella told Lexi she recognized her and asked her if she had been here before?  It made Lexi's day.  Those princesses always know the right things to say!

Minnie Mouse House.  Keep in mind I was alone at this point and had to lug CC into all the attractions.  My arms were spaghetti by the time Dave arrived later in the afternoon.

The one and only family pic!

Some reasons why I love Disneyland:

The kids get so excited.

There is so much going on there you never run out of things to do.

They've managed to keep all lines at like a 10 minute wait.  At least when we were there.

Stroller pass.

Fast pass.

Singles pass.

The parade.

The weather.

The characters walking around.

They let you bring your own food in.

Fresh Churro's.

Friendly Staff.

Scenery.

The Magic (direct quote from Dave said in a baby voice).

The End.

CC's Favorite Place In the Hotel Room

The toilet seat. Sick I know. But she loves it!

Me and Logan

Space Mountain. We're on the 2nd row.

Macey rode Thunder Mountain at Disneyland today!

We kinda tricked her into getting on and she was not happy about it!